Does Size Matter?: Nineteen Questions They Might Be Giants Are Waiting to Hear

Spin, December 1988
by They Might Be Giants

* How much trust will you put in a 50-year-old "record producer" who begins a conversation with "I remember when rock and roll were two completely separate genres"?

* If rock is an in-bred dinosaur, do you think its eyes are different colors, or are they both in one socket?

* If you, They Might Be Giants, really believed in the integrity of a product, wouldn't you be compromising it by having it do a crass corporate sponsorship deal with a rock band like yourself?

* When you meet someone famous whose work you don’t respect, do you stand there with a frozen smile like a rabbit staring at oncoming headlights?

* Do you prefer playing at small, intimate clubs, or large, insensitive discos?

* Advice for new bands--Should you press a club owner on his attendance figures if you see bullet holes in the office wall behind where you are sitting?

* Was that question based on something that actually happened to you on the road?

* When you heard that I.M. Pei was designing the rock'n'roll hall of fame, did you think the building would be in the shape of:
a.) Philip Johnson’s glasses?
b.) Philip Glass’s johnson?

* You often think about growing your hair long. Is that a statement?

* Did you get involved in rock music to avoid working for a living, or did you see it as a way to avoid sleeping and eating well?

* If you're not roadies for the Replacements, which band is?

* Was Michael Dukakis formerly a cast member of "Fireball XL5"?

* Do you believe the ozone hole and classic rock radio are somehow connected?

* When you stay in budget motels, is it upsetting to realize that they're much more pleasant and organized than your own homes?

* Do you find the "influences" questions difficult because:
a.) you’ll lie to be interesting and your friends will call you on it?
b.) you’ll tell the truth, and no one will respect you anymore?

* Who do you think will emerge as the spokesmodel for this generation?

* Are you terrified of the people who stand perfectly still near the front of the stage smiling enigmatically, as though waiting for the right moment to do something really horrible?

* Does it ever bother you that these people often show up unexpectedly at shows in widely separated cities, acting as though nothing is unusual?

* When the mainstream press refers to you as wacky nerds, is your first reaction to pull out a gun and blow them away, or to go home and invent a death ray?