JL: Ladies and gentlemen, our most fearful nemesis--it's The Stick.
JF: Benevolent, but clinically insane. Omnipresent, yet alcoholic.
6/20/88 New Orleans, LA

JL: It's a metronome. It's shy.
3/1/90 Zurich, Switzerland

JL: Someone in the audience has just announced that we're using tape in the show as the background. I can't believe they've given away our secret. We're just going to have to crumple up in shame now.
3/1/90 Zurich, Switzerland

JL: According to our lighting guy this--correct me if I'm wrong, but this cannon here is here for a reason, it's going to explode. *cheers* Later on you'll think, "He seemed so carefree and happy when he said that."
10/15/98 New York, NY

JL: Few people know that James K. Polk wore one of those Conan the Barbarian outfits. Nobody knows that, actually. I'm the only person...who knows that.
10/21/01 Cleveland, OH

JL: We've found, in our 50 years of touring and performing, people like the songs we didn't write as much as they like the songs we did write. As embittered and resentful as this has made us, we realized, it's true.
JF: Whenever you find small groups of people enjoying music you'll find They Might Be Giants.
1/31/01 San Francisco, CA

JL: Probably some of you know, we have this new record and that's one of the songs on it.
JF: Mink Car!
JL: It's called Mink Car. It's still called Mink Car.
JF: We don't care what anybody says, our record's still called Mink Car.
JL: You know these bands, they change--they change the name of the record after it comes out. We think that's BULLSHIT! We're sick of that. *pause* So uh, enough swearing, enough gratuitous cursing. No more for the rest of the show.
JF: FUCK that swearing.
JL: John's gonna do all the swearing. He's gonna do double-time for me. I'm keepin' it clean.
11/2/01 Philadelphia, PA

JL: We're doing this new thing now where we start the songs without counting off, using ESP. A lot of the bands are doing it...
JF: I call it ESPN.
JL: I call it ESP three-thirty-five. *pause* For some reason.
3/14/02 Houston, TX

[balloon is bobbing around in audience]
JL: Hey, throw that up there, I need to check something out.
[someone throws it to JF. he inspects it, then pops it]
JF: I feel like a five year old kid at a birthday party. And...[lowers his voice] the party's over.
JL: This is the part of the show where everybody cries.
3/14/02 Houston, TX

JF: There's a lot of rules in They Might Be Giants kids' shows. We're very consistent about that--we need you to follow the rules strictly. Cos this is not about fun. This is about rocking out. And as you get older, you'll know more about rock and rock is not about fun. It's about obeying very strict rules.
12/7/02 Chicago, IL

JF: We've been doing a lot of children's shows, and we know if we ever get tired of doing children's shows we can just pull the ripcord and do this one for the kids.
JL: That's because this one has the word "bastard" in it...which apparently, some parents have a problem with.
JF: Like, we went to the parents and we said "What the fuck?" and they said "Dude" and we said "No, what the fuck?"
JL: We said fuck because we're bad boys now. We've changed. We've started saying words like bastard. In our songs.
JF: And they said "Like, dude. It's my kid, dude." And I said "Right on."
JL: That was exactly how it went. It was crazy.
7/9/04 Minneapolis, MN

JF: Ladies and gentlemen, we have a brand-new album coming out in early March. It is called--it is--if you live in England, or in John Linnell's head, it's called--
JL: Get the hell out.
JF: It's called Get the Hell Out. Quit Callin' Me. But, if you live in the United States, it's called Nahnobots, or Nanobots, depending on how you pronounce the word. Informed people everywhere disagree.
12/30/12, New York, NY

JL: Here's a song about the eleventh president of the United States. I've been reminded that today is his birthday. I just wanna point out--I mean I feel bad having to say this--but, the song is like an encyclopedia entry that has no particular perspective. Deep inside I have feelings about James K. Polk that are not being expressed in the song. *pause* Would you like to hear them? *audience cheers* *pause* He was a dick.
11/2/13 New York, NY

JL: One of the things that's very exciting about this show is this is the largest mirrorball we've ever seen. That we've ever played in front of. I'm not even sure it is a mirrorball. I think it might be about to destroy my home planet.
1/31/16 Glasgow, Scotland